HIMEGOTO

Student/teacher/parent fun

Lorena — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 20:33:54 +0000

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That’s impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn’t, Teacher. I’m eight today.
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SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?
BILLY : No, I’m Billy Anderson.
—————————————————-

TEACHER: Didn’t you promise to behave?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir.
TEACHER: And didn’t I promise to punish you if you didn’t?
STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don’t expect you
to keep yours.
—————————————————-
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY : Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground then you are.
—————————————————-
HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?
TEACHER : Of course not.
HAROLD : Good, because I didn’t do my homework.
—————————————————-

TEACHER: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Don’s paper.
JOHN : I hope you didn’t either.
—————————————————-

GARY : I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.
TEACHER: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.
—————————————————-

MOTHER : Why did you get such a low mark on that test?
JUNIOR : Because of absence.
MOTHER : You mean you were absent on the day of the test?
JUNIOR : No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
—————————————————-

SILVIA : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA : Your name on this report card.
—————————————————-
TEACHER: Well, at least there’s one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER : What’s that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn’t be cheating.
—————————————————-

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY : You can’t fool me, Teacher… snakes don’t have feet.
—————————————————-

HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE : Don’t bite any.
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with “I”.
ELLEN : I is…
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, “I am.”
ELLEN : All right… “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
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TEACHER: Max, use “defeat,” “defense,” and “detail” in a sentence.
MAX : The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.
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MOTHER : Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.
—————————————————-

TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
SASHA: A new bike.
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TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
VINCENT: One dollar.
TEACHER: (sadly)You don’t know your arithmetic.
VINCENT: (sadly)You don’t know my father

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TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!

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BOY : Isn’t the principal a dummy!
GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?
BOY : No.
GIRL: I’m the principal’s daughter.
BOY : And do you know who I am?
GIRL: No.
BOY : Thank goodness!

PICK UP LINES

Lorena — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 23:38:42 +0000

How about dinner, a movie and then some drinks?
Actually I’d rather just have the money.

I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a body with a face like yours.
I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours.

Hi… Didn’t we go on a date once ? Or was it twice?
Must’ve been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

How did you get to be so damn good-looking?
I must’ve been given your share.

Your body must turn quite a few heads.
And your face must turn a lotta stomachs.

Come on, don’t be shy. Ask me out.
OK… GET OUT !!!

I think I could make you very happy.
Why? Are you leaving?

What would ya say if I asked you to sleep with me?
Nothing…I can’t talk and laugh at the same time.

Can I have your name?
Why? Don’t you already have one?

Where have you been all my life?
Hiding from you.

Disorder in the American Courts

Lorena — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 17:04:39 +0000

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

Funny stories

Lorena — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 18:28:03 +0000

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife
said, “Wait just a minute!”

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m a Christian, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”

————————-

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word. She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.” I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

“The moral of this story is:”

“Always keep your condoms in your car.”

———————————————

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate cans.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol – Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation – What can you learn from this demonstration?

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said,
“As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won’t have worms!”

Kis from a rose

Lorena — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 01:11:47 +0000

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that’s the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh,
The more I get of you,
Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you’re like a growing addiction that I can’t deny.
Won’t you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey,
I’ve been kissed by a rose on the grave,
I’ve been kissed by a rose
I’ve been kissed by a rose on the grave,
…And if I should fall along the way
I’ve been kissed by a rose
…been kissed by a rose on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you’re like a growing addiction that I can’t deny, yeah
Won’t you tell me is that healthy, baby.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.

Volvi de Gesell

Lorena — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 18:15:44 +0000

Estuve como 11 de los 15 días haciendo una especie de bitacora de viaje, pero ahora siento que es una boludez.
Fui a la playa, a comer afuera, a pasear. No hice mucho más, no sali a la noche ni nada así, y tampoco la pase particularmente bien.
Lo que si hice, y me siento muy contenta, es escribir. Me recontra inspire y termine armando dos fics de xmen. Ya subi el primer capitulo de uno a adultfanfiction.

No se si quiero volver. Extrañaba muchas cosas de Baires, pero lo que me jode demasiado es la sensacion de que no solo me fui de vacaciones con mi viejos por obligacióny ahora, de vuelta en la capital, por obligación también, me los tengo q bancar.
“Denise hace esto” “Denise anda para alla” “Denise quiero la computadora, dejala” “Denise preparame el DVD player por que soy demasiado imbecil como para entender como seusa un control remoto y demasiado vago de mierda para dejar que me enseñes”
ME ROMPEN LAS PELOTAS SOBERANAMENTE
I might as well be living by myself. Solo me llaman cuando necesitan algo, olvidate de que se acuerden ellos de prepararme algo a mi? Como? necesitabas la unica jarra de la casa para hacerte jugo? Bueno, lamentablemente le pusimos un PUTO APIO adentro, asi que no vas a tener agua fresca, aunque haga más de 35 grados celcius. Ah y no te olvides de llevar las galletitas dieteticas para papi que esta de dieta. Querías comer con pan? tenés las galletas espantosas de sesamo o el pan de salvado reseco por estar en la heladera? Pan lactal? Papi no puede comerlo, asi que siempre nos olvidamos de comprarlo.
El unico ser viviente en esta casa que me hace querer volver es Leia. Y no es más que un perro!! Parece ser la unica que se alegra de verme, y que se da cuenta cuando estoy preocupada.
Yo se que parece absolutamente tirad de los pelos todo lo qe digo y de lo que me quejo. Pero lo cierto es que una vez que uno esta absolutamente harto y re podrido de la mierda de los demás la minima estupidez te hace saltar como leche hervida.
Creo que lo unico que voy a extrañar del secundario va a ser la cantidad de horas que me tenía fuera de casa.

Estoy tan cansada de sentirme asi… tan desauciada de todo… mis amigas estan cada una en la suya, mi hermana esta demasiado pendiente del idiota del novio y vive con el, mis viejos son extraños… lo único que funciona como tranquilizante (o estupizante) es estar en la maquina, leyendo fics y manga y diseñando… estoy cansada de sentir ese vacio de temperatura que implica que no hay un solo ser humano cerca mio (cerca de la verdadera Denise)

Creo que ya supere mi etapa de “I don’t need love”… no es que voy a poner un aviso en los clasificados de Clarin tampoco pero lo cierto es que me gustaría de verdad encontrar a alguien que me entienda y que me quiera, que me banque y me deje bancarlo. Las personas que algun vez estuvieron en pareja con alguien saben que la sensación de tener alguien a quien llamar y contarle algo es bastante gratificante, asi como el dormir abrazado al otro, y compartir momentos y demases…

Estoy demasiado melancolica, I think… como suele pasarme, demasiado en el pasado por momentos, lamentando decisiones y a los 5 segundos diciendome que estuve bien en hacer eso… (igual hay decisiones que nunca voy a dejar de sentirme mal por haberlas tomado)

Estoy demasiado llena de decepciones, frustraciones y malos recuerdos, y solo quiero a alguien que me abrace fuerte hasta que termine de llorar todas las lagrimas que me estoy tragando

Antes del viaje

Lorena — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 11:51:11 +0000

Voy a tratar de subir alguna cosita linda que encuentre en DevianArt cada vez que postee

Mañana me voy a Gesell, tendria que terminar de armar el bolso….

Aaah me corte el pelo tmb!! REEEE CORTO!!!

y acá dejo una deviation re linda

Sex Pistols Fan by *kmye-chan on deviant ART

Open your eyes

himegoto — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 06:18:24 +0000

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won’t waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I’m getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won’t feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you’ll open your eyes [x4]

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
Cos they don’t get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we’ll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
Cos I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you’ll open your eyes [x8]

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won’t waste a minute without you

Se viene la noche buena

himegoto — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 20:57:19 +0000

Probablemente mañana haga le recuento de lo que sucedio esta navidad, pero hoy simplemente se me canto postear y hacer unos cuantos quizz con boludeces de mina

You Are a Winter

You look ravishing in: Black, burgundy, emerald green, hot pink, icy colors, navy blue, red, royal purple, and white

What Season Color Are You?

You are Milk Chocolate

A total dreamer, you spend most of your time with your head in the clouds.
You often think of the future, and you are always working toward your ideal life.
Also nostelgic, you rarely forget a meaningful moment… even those from long ago.

What Kind of Chocolate Are You?

You Are a Brownie

Decadent and intense, you aren’t for the weakhearted.
Those who can deal with your strong flavor find out how sweet you really are.

What Dessert Are You Most Like?

You Are a Passionate Kisser

You are the most likely type to kiss a sexy stranger

Your kissing style is unpredictable and free spirited

You could kiss anyone at a drop of a hat

It’s all about where your passion leads you

What’s Your Kissing Style?

Your Ideal Jeans Are Levi’s

All American and classic – perfect for a girl who doesn’t need to follow trends.

What Brand of Jeans Should You Wear?

Your Perfume is Glow

Fresh, sexy, and clean.

You’re real, intimate, and exciting.

Your lush sensuality appeals to men…

And you’re as sexy as Jennifer Lopez.

Power scents: Orange flower, grapefruit, and citrus.

What Perfume Are You?

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you as both seductive and intimidating.
Other women are especially put off by your womanly powers.
And men either fear you or obsess over you – sometimes both.
No way to fight it – you’re a natural vamp.

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

You Are Beer

You drink to have fun and let loose. Simple as that.
And you aren’t picky about what you drink, though you can appreciate a quality brew.
Casual and down to earth, you can hang with the guys more easily than the girls.
You prefer to date a man who is manly, direct, and sure of what he wants.

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

You Are Basic Panties

You are a laid back chick with a real natural beauty.
You can make unwashed hair and minimal make-up super sexy.
Men tend to notice you show the “real you” – and they appreciate it.
And while basic makes boring for some, it looks classic on you.

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Your Inner Eye Color Is Blue

You’ve got the personality of a blue eyed women
You’re intense and expressive – and always on the go
You’ve also got a sweet, playful side – which draws men in

What’s Your Inner Eye Color?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from The Empire Strikes Back

“Captain, being held by you isn’t quite enough to get me excited.”

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

Himegoto

himegoto — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 03:39:33 +0000

nee kizuite ita desho hontou ni hoshigatte ita kotoba
mitasareteru furi shitemo kokoro no fukaku ni sunderu
fuangena watashi ga

hitohada yori mo sukoshi dake nurui kaze kodou hayamatte iku
tooi mirai o katatteru yokogao o mite ita
issho ni yume no okuchi e to tsurete itte yo
nee kono karada goto

ai toiu na no PISUTORU ga mune no mannaka uchinuku no
kakebiki da to ka joushiki nante nan no imi mo motanai
ai toiu hikigane o hiite kootta kokoro uchinuite
yubi no saki made anata no ai o sosoide

nee wasurete iru desho imi mo naku kureta gin no KOIN
nibuku hikaru houseki namida no shizuku de omoku natte kagayaite itta
atashi dake shitteru HIMEGOTO datta

subete ushinatte shagamikomu tameiki yoake ni toketa
kono machi de wa nan no yaku ni mo tatanai
te no naka ni hikaru QUARTER DOLLAR
nokosareta omoi ga kureta yuuki o gyutto nigiri shimete
yureru kokoro de aketeku sora o waratta

namaiki na kuchibiru nejifuserareta

anata ga kureta nukumori dake ga mune no mannaka uchinuita
kakehiki da to ka joushiki nante nan no imi mo motanai
ai toiu na no hikigane o hiite yogoreta tsubami uchinuite
totte oki no IKAreta KISS o mou ichido

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Que mejor manera de empezar el blog que con la letra de la canción que le da su nombre